A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.
Wayne Gretzky
A lifetime of training for just ten seconds.
Jesse Owens
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce
Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.
William Arthur Ward
All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.
Gordie Howe
All sports for all people.
Pierre de Coubertin
Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.
Doug Collins
Approach the game with no preset agendas and you'll probably come away surprised at your overall efforts.
Phil Jackson
As athletes, we're used to reacting quickly. Here, it's 'come, stop, come, stop.' There's a lot of downtime. That's the toughest part of the day.
Michael Jordan
Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.
John Leonard
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
George Bernard Shaw
Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.
James Patrick Murray
Baseball is a public trust. Players turn over, owners turn over and certain commissioners turn over. But baseball goes on.
Peter Ueberroth
Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
Bill Veeck
Baseball is drama with an endless run and an ever-changing cast.
Joe Garagiola
Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.
Ted Williams
Baseball life is a tough life on the family.
Nolan Ryan
Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
Jim Bouton
Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while for the defense to catch up.
Red Auerbach
Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense.' In other words a good offense wins.
Dan Quayle
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Society Quotes
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
Adlai E. Stevenson
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
A pure democracy is a society consisting of a small number of citizens, who assemble and administer the government in person.
James Madison
An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.
Robert A. Heinlein
Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top.
Timothy Leary
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
Herb Caen
Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
George Bernard Shaw
Exclusiveness in a garden is a mistake as great as it is in society.
Alfred Austin
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
Thomas Szasz
Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury.
Martha Beck
How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?
Paul Sweeney
I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
A. Whitney Brown
I think this society suffers so much from too much freedom, too many rights that allow people to be irresponsible.
Boyd Rice
If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
Henry David Thoreau
In our society leaving baby with Daddy is just one step above leaving the kids to be raised by wolves or apes.
Al Roker
In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.
Carl Sandburg
It is good for society to have this introspection.
Jacques Verges
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
It is not a fragrant world.
Raymond Chandler
It seems a long time since the morning mail could be called correspondence.
Jacques Barzun
Adlai E. Stevenson
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
A pure democracy is a society consisting of a small number of citizens, who assemble and administer the government in person.
James Madison
An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.
Robert A. Heinlein
Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top.
Timothy Leary
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
Herb Caen
Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
George Bernard Shaw
Exclusiveness in a garden is a mistake as great as it is in society.
Alfred Austin
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
Thomas Szasz
Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury.
Martha Beck
How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?
Paul Sweeney
I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
A. Whitney Brown
I think this society suffers so much from too much freedom, too many rights that allow people to be irresponsible.
Boyd Rice
If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
Henry David Thoreau
In our society leaving baby with Daddy is just one step above leaving the kids to be raised by wolves or apes.
Al Roker
In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.
Carl Sandburg
It is good for society to have this introspection.
Jacques Verges
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
It is not a fragrant world.
Raymond Chandler
It seems a long time since the morning mail could be called correspondence.
Jacques Barzun
Medical Quotes
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.
Samuel Butler
A pregnant woman facing the most dire circumstances must be able to count on her doctor to do what is medically necessary to protect her from serious physical harm.
Barbara Mikulski
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Isaac Asimov
America has the best doctors, the best nurses, the best hospitals, the best medical technology, the best medical breakthrough medicines in the world. There is absolutely no reason we should not have in this country the best health care in the world.
Bill Frist
As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.
Jack Kevorkian
As a physician, I know many doctors want to utilize new technology, but they find the cost prohibitive.
Nathan Deal
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
Anton Chekhov
Doctors coin money when they do procedures but family medicine doesn't have any procedures.
David Jones
Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Flying back from New York, the flight attendant said 'God, I wished you were here yesterday, we had a stroke on the plane. I said, if I have a stroke on a plane, I hope the pretend doctor isn't the one on the plane. I want a real doctor.
Anthony Edwards
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
Erma Bombeck
Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.
Zoe Saldana
Honestly, being a doctor could make you more close minded than regular people.
Alex Chiu
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
James H. Boren
I regret to this day that I never went to college. I feel I should have been a doctor.
Ty Cobb
I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.
Nicolas Cage
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
Jay London
I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.
Cesar Romero
Groucho Marx
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.
Samuel Butler
A pregnant woman facing the most dire circumstances must be able to count on her doctor to do what is medically necessary to protect her from serious physical harm.
Barbara Mikulski
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Isaac Asimov
America has the best doctors, the best nurses, the best hospitals, the best medical technology, the best medical breakthrough medicines in the world. There is absolutely no reason we should not have in this country the best health care in the world.
Bill Frist
As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.
Jack Kevorkian
As a physician, I know many doctors want to utilize new technology, but they find the cost prohibitive.
Nathan Deal
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
Anton Chekhov
Doctors coin money when they do procedures but family medicine doesn't have any procedures.
David Jones
Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Flying back from New York, the flight attendant said 'God, I wished you were here yesterday, we had a stroke on the plane. I said, if I have a stroke on a plane, I hope the pretend doctor isn't the one on the plane. I want a real doctor.
Anthony Edwards
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
Erma Bombeck
Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.
Zoe Saldana
Honestly, being a doctor could make you more close minded than regular people.
Alex Chiu
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
James H. Boren
I regret to this day that I never went to college. I feel I should have been a doctor.
Ty Cobb
I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.
Nicolas Cage
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
Jay London
I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.
Cesar Romero
Patriotism Quotes
137 years later, Memorial Day remains one of America's most cherished patriotic observances. The spirit of this day has not changed - it remains a day to honor those who died defending our freedom and democracy.
Doc Hastings
A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.
George William Curtis
A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours.
William Ralph Inge
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Bill Vaughan
Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
Blaise Pascal
Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
Howard Zinn
Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism - and wars.
Dale Carnegie
Gentlemen have talked a great deal of patriotism. A venerable word, when duly practised.
Robert Walpole
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
George Washington
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
Albert Einstein
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
Diogenes
I distinguish, between nationalism and patriotism.
Michael Ignatieff
I have long believed that sacrifice is the pinnacle of patriotism.
Bob Riley
I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth, and I am a citizen of the world.
Eugene V. Debs
I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin
I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale
I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone.
Edith Cavell
I'm an advocate of the great Dr. Johnson, the English man of letters who said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel.
George Galloway
It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.
Voltaire
It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
Arthur C. Clarke
Doc Hastings
A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.
George William Curtis
A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours.
William Ralph Inge
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Bill Vaughan
Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
Blaise Pascal
Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
Howard Zinn
Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism - and wars.
Dale Carnegie
Gentlemen have talked a great deal of patriotism. A venerable word, when duly practised.
Robert Walpole
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
George Washington
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
Albert Einstein
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
Diogenes
I distinguish, between nationalism and patriotism.
Michael Ignatieff
I have long believed that sacrifice is the pinnacle of patriotism.
Bob Riley
I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth, and I am a citizen of the world.
Eugene V. Debs
I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin
I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale
I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone.
Edith Cavell
I'm an advocate of the great Dr. Johnson, the English man of letters who said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel.
George Galloway
It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.
Voltaire
It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
Arthur C. Clarke
Life Quotes
A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.
James Allen
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.
Charles Darwin
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis
Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
William James
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
Henry David Thoreau
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
William Wallace
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Everything in life is luck.
Donald Trump
Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
Karen Horney
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Richard Bach
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
E. B. White
I do not regret one moment of my life.
Lillie Langtry
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I love life because what more is there.
Anthony Hopkins
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burroughs
James Allen
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.
Charles Darwin
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis
Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
William James
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
Henry David Thoreau
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
William Wallace
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Everything in life is luck.
Donald Trump
Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
Karen Horney
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Richard Bach
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
E. B. White
I do not regret one moment of my life.
Lillie Langtry
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I love life because what more is there.
Anthony Hopkins
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burroughs
Happiness Quotes
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
Jane Austen
A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.
Bette Davis
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
Benjamin Disraeli
All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love.
Baruch Spinoza
All who joy would win must share it. Happiness was born a Twin.
Lord Byron
Always leave something to wish for; otherwise you will be miserable from your very happiness.
Baltasar Gracian
An effort made for the happiness of others lifts above ourselves.
Lydia M. Child
Anything you're good at contributes to happiness.
Bertrand Russell
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
Albert Camus
Desire is individual. Happiness is common.
Julian Casablancas
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself.
Plutarch
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.
Alice Walker
Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness.
Richard Bach
Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels.
Bertolt Brecht
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Ambrose Bierce
Growth itself contains the germ of happiness.
Pearl S. Buck
Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable.
Leo Rosten
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Aristotle
Happiness does not consist in self-love.
Joseph Butler
Jane Austen
A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.
Bette Davis
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
Benjamin Disraeli
All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love.
Baruch Spinoza
All who joy would win must share it. Happiness was born a Twin.
Lord Byron
Always leave something to wish for; otherwise you will be miserable from your very happiness.
Baltasar Gracian
An effort made for the happiness of others lifts above ourselves.
Lydia M. Child
Anything you're good at contributes to happiness.
Bertrand Russell
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
Albert Camus
Desire is individual. Happiness is common.
Julian Casablancas
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself.
Plutarch
Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.
Alice Walker
Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness.
Richard Bach
Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels.
Bertolt Brecht
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Ambrose Bierce
Growth itself contains the germ of happiness.
Pearl S. Buck
Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable.
Leo Rosten
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Aristotle
Happiness does not consist in self-love.
Joseph Butler
Intelligence Quotes
A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man.
Catherine Deneuve
A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
Napoleon Hill
All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
Lena Horne
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
Albert Camus
Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart.
Alan Alda
Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.
Julius Charles Hare
Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers.
Janis Joplin
Belief is the death of intelligence.
Robert Anton Wilson
Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is not so common.
Voltaire
Every true genius is bound to be naive.
Friedrich Schiller
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
Georg C. Lichtenberg
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Henry Ford
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
Josh Billings
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White
I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.
James Whistler
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde
Catherine Deneuve
A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
Napoleon Hill
All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
Lena Horne
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
Albert Camus
Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart.
Alan Alda
Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.
Julius Charles Hare
Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers.
Janis Joplin
Belief is the death of intelligence.
Robert Anton Wilson
Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is not so common.
Voltaire
Every true genius is bound to be naive.
Friedrich Schiller
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
Georg C. Lichtenberg
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Henry Ford
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
Josh Billings
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White
I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.
James Whistler
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde
Government Quotes
A corporation's primary goal is to make money. Government's primary role is to take a big chunk of that money and give it to others.
Larry Ellison
Americans no longer look to government for economic security; rather, they look to their portfolios.
Bill Owens
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Will Rogers
As a governor, I am naturally inclined to focus on the domestic side of protecting the United States.
Bill Owens
Bureaucracy gives birth to itself and then expects maternity benefits.
Dale Dauten
But let us remember, at the same time, government is sacred, and not to be trifled with.
Jonathan Mayhew
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
James Russell Lowell
Democracy is an abuse of statistics.
Jorge Luis Borges
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H. L. Mencken
Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be.
Sydney J. Harris
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
John Kenneth Galbraith
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'Rourke
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'Rourke
For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery.
Jonathan Swift
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke
Government "help" to business is just as disastrous as government persecution... the only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off.
Ayn Rand
Government alone cannot solve the problems we deal with in our correctional facilities, treatment centers, homeless shelters and crisis centers - we need our faith-based and community partners.
Dirk Kempthorne
Government is a trust, and the officers of the government are trustees. And both the trust and the trustees are created for the benefit of the people.
Henry Clay
Government is an unnecessary evil. Human beings, when accustomed to taking responsibility for their own behavior, can cooperate on a basis of mutual trust and helpfulness.
Fred Woodworth
Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.
George Washington
Larry Ellison
Americans no longer look to government for economic security; rather, they look to their portfolios.
Bill Owens
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Will Rogers
As a governor, I am naturally inclined to focus on the domestic side of protecting the United States.
Bill Owens
Bureaucracy gives birth to itself and then expects maternity benefits.
Dale Dauten
But let us remember, at the same time, government is sacred, and not to be trifled with.
Jonathan Mayhew
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
James Russell Lowell
Democracy is an abuse of statistics.
Jorge Luis Borges
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
H. L. Mencken
Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be.
Sydney J. Harris
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
John Kenneth Galbraith
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'Rourke
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'Rourke
For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery.
Jonathan Swift
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke
Government "help" to business is just as disastrous as government persecution... the only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off.
Ayn Rand
Government alone cannot solve the problems we deal with in our correctional facilities, treatment centers, homeless shelters and crisis centers - we need our faith-based and community partners.
Dirk Kempthorne
Government is a trust, and the officers of the government are trustees. And both the trust and the trustees are created for the benefit of the people.
Henry Clay
Government is an unnecessary evil. Human beings, when accustomed to taking responsibility for their own behavior, can cooperate on a basis of mutual trust and helpfulness.
Fred Woodworth
Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.
George Washington
Experience Quotes
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience.
Wallis Simpson
All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
All experience is an arch, to build upon.
Henry B. Adams
All that I know I learned after I was thirty.
Georges Clemenceau
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
Don Marquis
Bitter experience has taught us how fundamental our values are and how great the mission they represent.
Jan Peter Balkenende
Color is an intense experience on its own.
Jim Hodges
Conviction without experience makes for harshness.
Flannery O'Connor
Deep experience is never peaceful.
Henry James
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
Pete Seeger
Every moment is an experience.
Jake Roberts
Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
Andre Gide
Everything is discursive opinion instead of direct experience.
A. R. Ammons
Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.
Ralph Marston
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Ambrose Bierce
Experience comprises illusions lost, rather than wisdom gained.
Joseph Roux
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones
Experience has taught me, when I am shaving of a morning, to keep watch over my thoughts, because, if a line of poetry strays into my memory, my skin bristles so that the razor ceases to act.
A. E. Housman
Mark Twain
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A woman's life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience.
Wallis Simpson
All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
All experience is an arch, to build upon.
Henry B. Adams
All that I know I learned after I was thirty.
Georges Clemenceau
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
Don Marquis
Bitter experience has taught us how fundamental our values are and how great the mission they represent.
Jan Peter Balkenende
Color is an intense experience on its own.
Jim Hodges
Conviction without experience makes for harshness.
Flannery O'Connor
Deep experience is never peaceful.
Henry James
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
Pete Seeger
Every moment is an experience.
Jake Roberts
Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
Andre Gide
Everything is discursive opinion instead of direct experience.
A. R. Ammons
Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.
Ralph Marston
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Ambrose Bierce
Experience comprises illusions lost, rather than wisdom gained.
Joseph Roux
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones
Experience has taught me, when I am shaving of a morning, to keep watch over my thoughts, because, if a line of poetry strays into my memory, my skin bristles so that the razor ceases to act.
A. E. Housman
Family Quotes
A family can develop only with a loving woman as its center.
Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.
Charles R. Swindoll
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
George Bernard Shaw
A man should never neglect his family for business.
Walt Disney
A woman can plan when to have her family and how to support a family.
Kathleen Turner
A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability.
Tom DeLay
A woman should be home with the children, building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere.
Mel Gibson
All of us grow up in particular realities - a home, family, a clan, a small town, a neighborhood. Depending upon how we're brought up, we are either deeply aware of the particular reading of reality into which we are born, or we are peripherally aware of it.
Chaim Potok
Also, my mom and family are very important to me and I know that this is not expected.
Christina Milian
America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home.
Mitt Romney
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
Josh Billings
At a certain point I'm going to want to have a family.
Gwen Stefani
Both within the family and without, our sisters hold up our mirrors: our images of who we are and of who we can dare to be.
Elizabeth Fishel
Cherish your human connections - your relationships with friends and family.
Barbara Bush
Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
Charlie Sheen
Dignity is not negotiable. Dignity is the honor of the family.
Vartan Gregorian
Family is not an important thing, it's everything.
Michael J. Fox
Family is the most important thing in the world.
Princess Diana
Family life itself, that safest, most traditional, most approved of female choices, is not a sanctuary: It is, perpetually, a dangerous place.
Margaret Drabble
Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
David Ogden Stiers
Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.
Charles R. Swindoll
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
George Bernard Shaw
A man should never neglect his family for business.
Walt Disney
A woman can plan when to have her family and how to support a family.
Kathleen Turner
A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability.
Tom DeLay
A woman should be home with the children, building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere.
Mel Gibson
All of us grow up in particular realities - a home, family, a clan, a small town, a neighborhood. Depending upon how we're brought up, we are either deeply aware of the particular reading of reality into which we are born, or we are peripherally aware of it.
Chaim Potok
Also, my mom and family are very important to me and I know that this is not expected.
Christina Milian
America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home.
Mitt Romney
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
Josh Billings
At a certain point I'm going to want to have a family.
Gwen Stefani
Both within the family and without, our sisters hold up our mirrors: our images of who we are and of who we can dare to be.
Elizabeth Fishel
Cherish your human connections - your relationships with friends and family.
Barbara Bush
Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
Charlie Sheen
Dignity is not negotiable. Dignity is the honor of the family.
Vartan Gregorian
Family is not an important thing, it's everything.
Michael J. Fox
Family is the most important thing in the world.
Princess Diana
Family life itself, that safest, most traditional, most approved of female choices, is not a sanctuary: It is, perpetually, a dangerous place.
Margaret Drabble
Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
David Ogden Stiers
Design Quotes
A designer is only as good as the star who wears her clothes.
Edith Head
A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
A good designer must rely on experience, on precise, logic thinking; and on pedantic exactness. No magic will do.
Niklaus Wirth
About half my designs are controlled fantasy, 15 percent are total madness and the rest are bread-and-butter designs.
Manolo Blahnik
Accessible design is good design.
Steve Ballmer
Color does not add a pleasant quality to design - it reinforces it.
Pierre Bonnard
Delay always breeds danger; and to protract a great design is often to ruin it.
Miguel de Cervantes
Design is an unknown.
Geoffrey Beene
Design is directed toward human beings. To design is to solve human problems by identifying them and executing the best solution.
Ivan Chermayeff
Design is everything. Everything!
Paul Rand
Design is not for philosophy it's for life.
Issey Miyake
Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.
Steve Jobs
Design is not making beauty, beauty emerges from selection, affinities, integration, love.
Louis Kahn
Design is people.
Jane Jacobs
Design is the method of putting form and content together. Design, just as art, has multiple definitions; there is no single definition. Design can be art. Design can be aesthetics. Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated.
Paul Rand
Design must reflect the practical and aesthetic in business but above all... good design must primarily serve people.
Thomas J. Watson
Design works if it's authentic, inspired, and has a clear point of view. It can't be a collection of input.
Ron Johnson
Designers are very fickle. I never wanted to be a victim of that. You're in one minute, out the next.
Tyra Banks
Designs of purely arbitrary nature cannot be expected to last long.
Kenzo Tange
Every contrivance of man, every tool, every instrument, every utensil, every article designed for use, of each and every kind, evolved from a very simple beginnings.
Robert Collier
Edith Head
A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
A good designer must rely on experience, on precise, logic thinking; and on pedantic exactness. No magic will do.
Niklaus Wirth
About half my designs are controlled fantasy, 15 percent are total madness and the rest are bread-and-butter designs.
Manolo Blahnik
Accessible design is good design.
Steve Ballmer
Color does not add a pleasant quality to design - it reinforces it.
Pierre Bonnard
Delay always breeds danger; and to protract a great design is often to ruin it.
Miguel de Cervantes
Design is an unknown.
Geoffrey Beene
Design is directed toward human beings. To design is to solve human problems by identifying them and executing the best solution.
Ivan Chermayeff
Design is everything. Everything!
Paul Rand
Design is not for philosophy it's for life.
Issey Miyake
Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.
Steve Jobs
Design is not making beauty, beauty emerges from selection, affinities, integration, love.
Louis Kahn
Design is people.
Jane Jacobs
Design is the method of putting form and content together. Design, just as art, has multiple definitions; there is no single definition. Design can be art. Design can be aesthetics. Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated.
Paul Rand
Design must reflect the practical and aesthetic in business but above all... good design must primarily serve people.
Thomas J. Watson
Design works if it's authentic, inspired, and has a clear point of view. It can't be a collection of input.
Ron Johnson
Designers are very fickle. I never wanted to be a victim of that. You're in one minute, out the next.
Tyra Banks
Designs of purely arbitrary nature cannot be expected to last long.
Kenzo Tange
Every contrivance of man, every tool, every instrument, every utensil, every article designed for use, of each and every kind, evolved from a very simple beginnings.
Robert Collier
Birthday Quotes
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck
A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.
Thomas Fuller
About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.
Kurt Vonnegut
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
George Harrison
Being seventy is not a sin.
Golda Meir
Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
Sammy Hagar
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
Voltaire
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Doug Coupland
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Satchel Paige
I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.
Kirstie Alley
I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.
Isla Fisher
I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.
Liv Tyler
I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.
Ruth Warrick
I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.
Stephen Hopkins
I hate birthdays.
Zane Grey
I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique.
Celine Dion
I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.
Barry White
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
Erma Bombeck
A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.
Thomas Fuller
About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.
Kurt Vonnegut
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
George Harrison
Being seventy is not a sin.
Golda Meir
Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
Sammy Hagar
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
Voltaire
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Doug Coupland
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Satchel Paige
I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.
Kirstie Alley
I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.
Isla Fisher
I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.
Liv Tyler
I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.
Ruth Warrick
I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.
Stephen Hopkins
I hate birthdays.
Zane Grey
I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique.
Celine Dion
I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.
Barry White
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
Computers Quotes
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
A wonderful thing about a book, in contrast to a computer screen, is that you can take it to bed with you.
Daniel J. Boorstin
Access to computers and the Internet has become a basic need for education in our society.
Kent Conrad
As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.
Dave Parnas
Because I believe that humans are computers, I conjectured that computers, like people, can have left- and right-handed versions.
Philip Emeagwali
Bill Gates is the pope of the personal computer industry. He decides who's going to build.
Larry Ellison
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger Dijkstra
Computers are famous for being able to do complicated things starting from simple programs.
Seth Lloyd
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell
Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.
Louis Gerstner
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso
Computers have virtually replaced tape recorders.
Tony Visconti
Computers in classrooms are the filmstrips of the 1990s.
Clifford Stoll
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
Nicholas Negroponte
Even in the developing parts of the world, kids take to computers like fish to water.
Nicholas Negroponte
Even when I work with computers, with high technology, I always try to put in the touch of the hand.
Issey Miyake
Every piece of software written today is likely going to infringe on someone else's patent.
Miguel de Icaza
Gee, I am a complete Luddite when it comes to computers, I can barely log on!
Jonathan Shapiro
Emo Philips
A wonderful thing about a book, in contrast to a computer screen, is that you can take it to bed with you.
Daniel J. Boorstin
Access to computers and the Internet has become a basic need for education in our society.
Kent Conrad
As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.
Dave Parnas
Because I believe that humans are computers, I conjectured that computers, like people, can have left- and right-handed versions.
Philip Emeagwali
Bill Gates is the pope of the personal computer industry. He decides who's going to build.
Larry Ellison
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger Dijkstra
Computers are famous for being able to do complicated things starting from simple programs.
Seth Lloyd
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell
Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.
Louis Gerstner
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso
Computers have virtually replaced tape recorders.
Tony Visconti
Computers in classrooms are the filmstrips of the 1990s.
Clifford Stoll
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
Nicholas Negroponte
Even in the developing parts of the world, kids take to computers like fish to water.
Nicholas Negroponte
Even when I work with computers, with high technology, I always try to put in the touch of the hand.
Issey Miyake
Every piece of software written today is likely going to infringe on someone else's patent.
Miguel de Icaza
Gee, I am a complete Luddite when it comes to computers, I can barely log on!
Jonathan Shapiro
Time Quotes
And when is there time to remember, to sift, to weigh, to estimate, to total?
Tillie Olsen
Both young children and old people have a lot of time on their hands. That's probably why they get along so well.
Jonathan Carroll
But time growing old teaches all things.
Aeschylus
By the time we've made it, we've had it.
Malcolm Forbes
Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.
William Faulkner
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Ambrose Bierce
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
George Bernard Shaw
Finding some quiet time in your life, I think, is hugely important.
Mariel Hemingway
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Doug Larson
I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.
Golda Meir
I took some time out for life.
James L. Brooks
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
H. G. Wells
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
John Wooden
It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.
Francois Rabelais
Know how to live the time that is given you.
Dario Fo
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
Roger Babson
Lose not yourself in a far off time, seize the moment that is thine.
Friedrich Schiller
Lost time is never found again.
Benjamin Franklin
Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.
Dion Boucicault
Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces, and which most men throw away.
Charles Caleb Colton
Tillie Olsen
Both young children and old people have a lot of time on their hands. That's probably why they get along so well.
Jonathan Carroll
But time growing old teaches all things.
Aeschylus
By the time we've made it, we've had it.
Malcolm Forbes
Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.
William Faulkner
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Ambrose Bierce
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
George Bernard Shaw
Finding some quiet time in your life, I think, is hugely important.
Mariel Hemingway
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Doug Larson
I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.
Golda Meir
I took some time out for life.
James L. Brooks
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
H. G. Wells
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
John Wooden
It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.
Francois Rabelais
Know how to live the time that is given you.
Dario Fo
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
Roger Babson
Lose not yourself in a far off time, seize the moment that is thine.
Friedrich Schiller
Lost time is never found again.
Benjamin Franklin
Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.
Dion Boucicault
Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces, and which most men throw away.
Charles Caleb Colton
Wisdom Quotes
fool flatters himself, a wise man flatters the fool.
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.
Nelson Mandela
A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.
Herb Caen
A mistake is simply another way of doing things.
Katharine Graham
A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.
Robert Frost
A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
Francis Bacon
A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.
Moliere
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man.
Henry David Thoreau
Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it.
George Santayana
Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Phil Jackson
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
Ben Hogan
Be happy. It's one way of being wise.
Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone.
Baltasar Gracian
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius
Cleverness is not wisdom.
Euripides
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
John Muir
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
Jim Rohn
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.
Nelson Mandela
A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.
Herb Caen
A mistake is simply another way of doing things.
Katharine Graham
A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.
Robert Frost
A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
Francis Bacon
A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.
Moliere
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man.
Henry David Thoreau
Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it.
George Santayana
Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Phil Jackson
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
Ben Hogan
Be happy. It's one way of being wise.
Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone.
Baltasar Gracian
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius
Cleverness is not wisdom.
Euripides
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
John Muir
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
Jim Rohn
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Religion Quotes
A just laicism allows religious freedom. The state does not impose religion but rather gives space to religions with a responsibility toward civil society, and therefore it allows these religions to be factors in building up society.
Joseph Ratzinger
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
C. S. Lewis
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
Dennis Miller
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Isaac Asimov
Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
Annie Dillard
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
Paul Valery
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
Douglas Adams
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
Henry David Thoreau
Human beings must be known to be loved; but Divine beings must be loved to be known.
Blaise Pascal
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
C. S. Lewis
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her.
Arthur C. Clarke
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mohandas Gandhi
I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
Khalil Gibran
I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.
Henry Ward Beecher
I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
Frederick Douglass
I was raised Catholic, but my father's people were Methodist, so we went to both churches.
Aaron Neville
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is.
Albert Camus
If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
Robert Green Ingersoll
Joseph Ratzinger
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
C. S. Lewis
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
Dennis Miller
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Isaac Asimov
Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
Annie Dillard
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
Paul Valery
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
Douglas Adams
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
Henry David Thoreau
Human beings must be known to be loved; but Divine beings must be loved to be known.
Blaise Pascal
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
C. S. Lewis
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her.
Arthur C. Clarke
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mohandas Gandhi
I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
Khalil Gibran
I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.
Henry Ward Beecher
I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
Frederick Douglass
I was raised Catholic, but my father's people were Methodist, so we went to both churches.
Aaron Neville
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is.
Albert Camus
If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
Robert Green Ingersoll
Success Quotes
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
David Brinkley
Action is the foundational key to all success.
Pablo Picasso
After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise.
Shirley Jones
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture.
Lydia M. Child
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
George Edward Woodberry
Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
Dale Carnegie
Diligence is the mother of good fortune.
Benjamin Disraeli
Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
David Frost
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Malcolm Forbes
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.
Dale Carnegie
Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.
Jim Rohn
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.
J. Paul Getty
How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?
Logan P. Smith
I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
Jonathan Winters
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
David Brinkley
Action is the foundational key to all success.
Pablo Picasso
After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise.
Shirley Jones
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Abraham Lincoln
Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture.
Lydia M. Child
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
George Edward Woodberry
Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
Dale Carnegie
Diligence is the mother of good fortune.
Benjamin Disraeli
Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
David Frost
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Malcolm Forbes
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.
Dale Carnegie
Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.
Jim Rohn
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.
J. Paul Getty
How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?
Logan P. Smith
I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
Jonathan Winters
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Peace Quotes
A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser.
William Shakespeare
A people free to choose will always choose peace.
Ronald Reagan
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
Mohandas Gandhi
Complete peace equally reigns between two mental waves.
Swami Sivananda
Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
Benjamin Franklin
Every goal, every action, every thought, every feeling one experiences, whether it be consciously or unconsciously known, is an attempt to increase one's level of peace of mind.
Sydney Madwed
For behind all imperialism is ultimately the imperialistic individual, just as behind all peace is ultimately the peaceful individual.
Irving Babbitt
He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.
Benjamin Franklin
I believe in the religion of Islam. I believe in Allah and peace.
Muhammad Ali
I can promise you that women working together - linked, informed and educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.
Isabel Allende
I don't know whether war is an interlude during peace, or peace an interlude during war.
Georges Clemenceau
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
Nelson Mandela
I happen to dig being able to use whatever mystique I have to further the idea of peace.
Garrett Morris
I think it's naive to pray for world peace if we're not going to change the form in which we live.
Godfrey Reggio
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
I'm concentrating on staying healthy, having peace, being happy, remembering what is important, taking in nature and animals, spending time reading, trying to understand the universe, where science and the spiritual meet.
Joan Jett
If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.
Napoleon Bonaparte
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Nelson Mandela
Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.
John Lennon
William Shakespeare
A people free to choose will always choose peace.
Ronald Reagan
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
Mohandas Gandhi
Complete peace equally reigns between two mental waves.
Swami Sivananda
Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
Benjamin Franklin
Every goal, every action, every thought, every feeling one experiences, whether it be consciously or unconsciously known, is an attempt to increase one's level of peace of mind.
Sydney Madwed
For behind all imperialism is ultimately the imperialistic individual, just as behind all peace is ultimately the peaceful individual.
Irving Babbitt
He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.
Benjamin Franklin
I believe in the religion of Islam. I believe in Allah and peace.
Muhammad Ali
I can promise you that women working together - linked, informed and educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.
Isabel Allende
I don't know whether war is an interlude during peace, or peace an interlude during war.
Georges Clemenceau
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
Nelson Mandela
I happen to dig being able to use whatever mystique I have to further the idea of peace.
Garrett Morris
I think it's naive to pray for world peace if we're not going to change the form in which we live.
Godfrey Reggio
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
I'm concentrating on staying healthy, having peace, being happy, remembering what is important, taking in nature and animals, spending time reading, trying to understand the universe, where science and the spiritual meet.
Joan Jett
If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.
Napoleon Bonaparte
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Nelson Mandela
Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.
John Lennon
Love Quotes
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
Cyrano de Bergerac
A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
Rupert Brooke
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
George Jean Nathan
A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.
Friedrich Nietzsche
A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.
Stendhal
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
Honore de Balzac
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
C. S. Lewis
All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
Julie Andrews
All mankind love a lover.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
Andre Breton
As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.
William Shakespeare
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
Plato
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?
Richard Bach
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover
Do all things with love.
Og Mandino
Ingrid Bergman
A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
Cyrano de Bergerac
A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
Rupert Brooke
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
George Jean Nathan
A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.
Friedrich Nietzsche
A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.
Stendhal
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
Honore de Balzac
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
C. S. Lewis
All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
Julie Andrews
All mankind love a lover.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
Andre Breton
As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words.
William Shakespeare
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
Plato
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?
Richard Bach
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover
Do all things with love.
Og Mandino
Music Quotes
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
Aldous Huxley
All good music resembles something. Good music stirs by its mysterious resemblance to the objects and feelings which motivated it.
Jean Cocteau
All music is beautiful.
Billy Strayhorn
Any good music must be an innovation.
Les Baxter
But when you get music and words together, that can be a very powerful thing.
Bryan Ferry
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Kin Hubbard
Composers shouldn't think too much - it interferes with their plagiarism.
Howard Dietz
Everywhere in the world, music enhances a hall, with one exception: Carnegie Hall enhances the music.
Isaac Stern
For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.
Reba McEntire
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Billy Wilder
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
George Bernard Shaw
I asked my daughter when she was 16, What's the buzz on the street with the kids? She's going, to be honest, Dad, most of my friends aren't into Kiss. But they've all been told that it's the greatest show on Earth.
Ace Frehley
I don't care much about music. What I like is sounds.
Dizzy Gillespie
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Elvis Presley
I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music.
Billy Joel
I wake up in the morning, I do a little stretching exercises, pick up the horn and play.
Herb Alpert
I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my liver, my heart. Like my blood. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity for me-like food or water.
Ray Charles
I was growing up listening to Queen. Freddie Mercury threw those incredible melodies into his songs.
Gary Cherone
I've said that playing the blues is like having to be black twice. Stevie Ray Vaughan missed on both counts, but I never noticed.
B. B. King
If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.
Gustav Mahler
Aldous Huxley
All good music resembles something. Good music stirs by its mysterious resemblance to the objects and feelings which motivated it.
Jean Cocteau
All music is beautiful.
Billy Strayhorn
Any good music must be an innovation.
Les Baxter
But when you get music and words together, that can be a very powerful thing.
Bryan Ferry
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Kin Hubbard
Composers shouldn't think too much - it interferes with their plagiarism.
Howard Dietz
Everywhere in the world, music enhances a hall, with one exception: Carnegie Hall enhances the music.
Isaac Stern
For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.
Reba McEntire
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Billy Wilder
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
George Bernard Shaw
I asked my daughter when she was 16, What's the buzz on the street with the kids? She's going, to be honest, Dad, most of my friends aren't into Kiss. But they've all been told that it's the greatest show on Earth.
Ace Frehley
I don't care much about music. What I like is sounds.
Dizzy Gillespie
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Elvis Presley
I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music.
Billy Joel
I wake up in the morning, I do a little stretching exercises, pick up the horn and play.
Herb Alpert
I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my liver, my heart. Like my blood. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity for me-like food or water.
Ray Charles
I was growing up listening to Queen. Freddie Mercury threw those incredible melodies into his songs.
Gary Cherone
I've said that playing the blues is like having to be black twice. Stevie Ray Vaughan missed on both counts, but I never noticed.
B. B. King
If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.
Gustav Mahler
Inspirational Quotes
A #2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere.
Joyce A. Myers
A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
Victor Hugo
And now, this is the sweetest and most glorious day that ever my eyes did see.
Donald Cargill
Belief creates the actual fact.
William James
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven.
Henry Ward Beecher
Every moment and every event of every man's life on earth plants something in his soul.
Thomas Merton
Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.
William Ellery Channing
For a gallant spirit there can never be defeat.
Wallis Simpson
Give light and people will find the way.
Ella Baker
God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him.
Jim Elliot
God sleeps in the minerals, awakens in plants, walks in animals, and thinks in man.
Arthur Young
Grace is the beauty of form under the influence of freedom.
Friedrich Schiller
Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.
Henry Ward Beecher
Great hopes make great men.
Thomas Fuller
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn
Happiness is the natural flower of duty.
Phillips Brooks
Joyce A. Myers
A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
Victor Hugo
And now, this is the sweetest and most glorious day that ever my eyes did see.
Donald Cargill
Belief creates the actual fact.
William James
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven.
Henry Ward Beecher
Every moment and every event of every man's life on earth plants something in his soul.
Thomas Merton
Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.
William Ellery Channing
For a gallant spirit there can never be defeat.
Wallis Simpson
Give light and people will find the way.
Ella Baker
God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him.
Jim Elliot
God sleeps in the minerals, awakens in plants, walks in animals, and thinks in man.
Arthur Young
Grace is the beauty of form under the influence of freedom.
Friedrich Schiller
Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.
Henry Ward Beecher
Great hopes make great men.
Thomas Fuller
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn
Happiness is the natural flower of duty.
Phillips Brooks
Health Quotes
A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.
Tom Stoppard
A healthy outside starts from the inside.
Robert Urich
Arguments are healthy. They clear the air.
John Deacon
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.
Joseph Addison
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.
John Muir
Healing in a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
Hippocrates
Healthy people live with their world.
Anne Wilson Schaef
I became a fanatic about healthy food in 1944.
Gloria Swanson
I believe it is important for people to create a healthy mental environment in which to accomplish daily tasks.
Darren L. Johnson
I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful.
Victoria Principal
I believe that if you're healthy, you're capable of doing everything. There's no one else who can give you health but God, and by being healthy I believe that God is listening to me.
Pedro Martinez
I eat really healthy, and if I'm tired, I take a nap.
Casper Van Dien
I feel pretty good. My body actually looks like an old banana, but it's fine.
Mike Piazza
I had my moments when I got very frightened that I would not recover.
Fran Drescher
I have a healthy body, free of the chemicals that once controlled it.
Lorna Luft
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. And the floodgates of goodness have opened upon me - spiritually and financially.
Denzel Washington
I really believe the only way to stay healthy is to eat properly, get your rest and exercise. If you don't exercise and do the other two, I still don't think it's going to help you that much.
Mike Ditka
I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV. I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
Lexa Doig
I stand before you a totally healthy person.
Melissa Etheridge
Tom Stoppard
A healthy outside starts from the inside.
Robert Urich
Arguments are healthy. They clear the air.
John Deacon
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.
Joseph Addison
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.
John Muir
Healing in a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
Hippocrates
Healthy people live with their world.
Anne Wilson Schaef
I became a fanatic about healthy food in 1944.
Gloria Swanson
I believe it is important for people to create a healthy mental environment in which to accomplish daily tasks.
Darren L. Johnson
I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful.
Victoria Principal
I believe that if you're healthy, you're capable of doing everything. There's no one else who can give you health but God, and by being healthy I believe that God is listening to me.
Pedro Martinez
I eat really healthy, and if I'm tired, I take a nap.
Casper Van Dien
I feel pretty good. My body actually looks like an old banana, but it's fine.
Mike Piazza
I had my moments when I got very frightened that I would not recover.
Fran Drescher
I have a healthy body, free of the chemicals that once controlled it.
Lorna Luft
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. And the floodgates of goodness have opened upon me - spiritually and financially.
Denzel Washington
I really believe the only way to stay healthy is to eat properly, get your rest and exercise. If you don't exercise and do the other two, I still don't think it's going to help you that much.
Mike Ditka
I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV. I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
Lexa Doig
I stand before you a totally healthy person.
Melissa Etheridge
Dreams Quotes
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
Oscar Wilde
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
John Barrymore
All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together.
Jack Kerouac
All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
T. E. Lawrence
All men of action are dreamers.
James Huneker
All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.
William Faulkner
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney
All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.
Elias Canetti
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
Edgar Allan Poe
Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be.
Joy Page
Dream in a pragmatic way.
Aldous Huxley
Dream manfully and nobly, and thy dreams shall be prophets.
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Dreaming men are haunted men.
Stephen Vincent Benet
Dreaming of a tomorrow, which tomorrow, will be as distant then as 'tis today.
Lope de Vega
Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us.
Jane Roberts
Dreams are necessary to life.
Anais Nin
Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
Henry David Thoreau
Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.
Edgar Cayce
Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Oscar Wilde
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
John Barrymore
All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together.
Jack Kerouac
All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
T. E. Lawrence
All men of action are dreamers.
James Huneker
All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.
William Faulkner
All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney
All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.
Elias Canetti
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
Edgar Allan Poe
Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be.
Joy Page
Dream in a pragmatic way.
Aldous Huxley
Dream manfully and nobly, and thy dreams shall be prophets.
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Dreaming men are haunted men.
Stephen Vincent Benet
Dreaming of a tomorrow, which tomorrow, will be as distant then as 'tis today.
Lope de Vega
Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us.
Jane Roberts
Dreams are necessary to life.
Anais Nin
Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
Henry David Thoreau
Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.
Edgar Cayce
Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Education Quotes
A human being is not attaining his full heights until he is educated.
Horace Mann
A liberal education is at the heart of a civil society, and at the heart of a liberal education is the act of teaching.
A. Bartlett Giamatti
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
Will Rogers
America is the best half-educated country in the world.
Nicholas M. Butler
An educated man is thoroughly inoculated against humbug, thinks for himself and tries to give his thoughts, in speech or on paper, some style.
Alan K. Simpson
An educated people can be easily governed.
Frederick The Great
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
Russell Baker
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't.
Anatole France
Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves.
Ernest Dimnet
Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.
Clifford Stoll
Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.
Anthony J. D'Angelo
Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army.
Edward Everett
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant
Education is all a matter of building bridges.
Ralph Ellison
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
Daniel J. Boorstin
Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
John Dewey
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
William Butler Yeats
Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
Robert Frost
Horace Mann
A liberal education is at the heart of a civil society, and at the heart of a liberal education is the act of teaching.
A. Bartlett Giamatti
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
Will Rogers
America is the best half-educated country in the world.
Nicholas M. Butler
An educated man is thoroughly inoculated against humbug, thinks for himself and tries to give his thoughts, in speech or on paper, some style.
Alan K. Simpson
An educated people can be easily governed.
Frederick The Great
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
Russell Baker
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't.
Anatole France
Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves.
Ernest Dimnet
Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.
Clifford Stoll
Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.
Anthony J. D'Angelo
Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army.
Edward Everett
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant
Education is all a matter of building bridges.
Ralph Ellison
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
Daniel J. Boorstin
Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
John Dewey
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
William Butler Yeats
Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
Robert Frost
Change Quotes
A lot of people get impatient with the pace of change.
James Levine
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton
All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
Ellen Glasgow
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France
Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
Arnold Bennett
Anyone who thinks there's safety in numbers hasn't looked at the stock market pages.
Irene Peter
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
Bertolt Brecht
Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Change before you have to.
Jack Welch
Change brings opportunity.
Nido Qubein
Change in all things is sweet.
Aristotle
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
Robert C. Gallagher
Change is such hard work.
Billy Crystal
Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin.
Denise McCluggage
Change means that what was before wasn't perfect. People want things to be better.
Esther Dyson
Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator.
James Levine
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton
All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
Ellen Glasgow
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France
Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
Arnold Bennett
Anyone who thinks there's safety in numbers hasn't looked at the stock market pages.
Irene Peter
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
Bertolt Brecht
Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Change before you have to.
Jack Welch
Change brings opportunity.
Nido Qubein
Change in all things is sweet.
Aristotle
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
Robert C. Gallagher
Change is such hard work.
Billy Crystal
Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin.
Denise McCluggage
Change means that what was before wasn't perfect. People want things to be better.
Esther Dyson
Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator.
Beauty Quotes
A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you.
Adlai E. Stevenson
A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.
John Keats
A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.
George Meredith
A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.
Anne Roiphe
A women's greatest asset is her beauty.
Alex Comfort
Beauty and folly are old companions.
Benjamin Franklin
Beauty awakens the soul to act.
Dante Alighieri
Beauty doesn't need ornaments. Softness can't bear the weight of ornaments.
Munshi Premchand
Beauty has a lot to do with character.
Kevyn Aucoin
Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.
David Hume
Beauty is a fragile gift.
Ovid
Beauty is a manifestation of secret natural laws, which otherwise would have been hidden from us forever.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
George Bernard Shaw
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
Khalil Gibran
Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.
H. G. Wells
Beauty is less important than quality.
Eugene Ormandy
Beauty is not caused. It is.
Emily Dickinson
Beauty is only skin deep.
Thomas Overbury
Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she's beautiful but don't have anything to talk about, it's going to get boring fast. You want to look beyond the surface and see if you can have fun or if you have anything in common with this person.
Amanda Peet
Adlai E. Stevenson
A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.
John Keats
A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.
George Meredith
A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.
Anne Roiphe
A women's greatest asset is her beauty.
Alex Comfort
Beauty and folly are old companions.
Benjamin Franklin
Beauty awakens the soul to act.
Dante Alighieri
Beauty doesn't need ornaments. Softness can't bear the weight of ornaments.
Munshi Premchand
Beauty has a lot to do with character.
Kevyn Aucoin
Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.
David Hume
Beauty is a fragile gift.
Ovid
Beauty is a manifestation of secret natural laws, which otherwise would have been hidden from us forever.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
George Bernard Shaw
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
Khalil Gibran
Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.
H. G. Wells
Beauty is less important than quality.
Eugene Ormandy
Beauty is not caused. It is.
Emily Dickinson
Beauty is only skin deep.
Thomas Overbury
Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she's beautiful but don't have anything to talk about, it's going to get boring fast. You want to look beyond the surface and see if you can have fun or if you have anything in common with this person.
Amanda Peet
Art Quotes
A good painting to me has always been like a friend. It keeps me company, comforts and inspires.
Hedy Lamarr
A great artist is always before his time or behind it.
George Edward Moore
A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.
Albert Camus
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
Michelangelo
A painting that is well composed is half finished.
Pierre Bonnard
A picture is a poem without words.
Horace
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Napoleon Bonaparte
A sculptor is a person who is interested in the shape of things, a poet in words, a musician by sounds.
Henry Moore
A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.
Oscar Wilde
A writer should write with his eyes and a painter paint with his ears.
Gertrude Stein
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Al Capp
Ads are the cave art of the twentieth century.
Marshall McLuhan
Advertising is the greatest art form of the 20th century.
Marshall McLuhan
All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography.
Federico Fellini
All art is but imitation of nature.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.
Charles Horton Cooley
An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world.
George Santayana
An artist is always alone - if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.
Henry Miller
An artist is never ahead of his time but most people are far behind theirs.
Edgard Varese
An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision.
James Whistler
Hedy Lamarr
A great artist is always before his time or behind it.
George Edward Moore
A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.
Albert Camus
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
Michelangelo
A painting that is well composed is half finished.
Pierre Bonnard
A picture is a poem without words.
Horace
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Napoleon Bonaparte
A sculptor is a person who is interested in the shape of things, a poet in words, a musician by sounds.
Henry Moore
A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.
Oscar Wilde
A writer should write with his eyes and a painter paint with his ears.
Gertrude Stein
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Al Capp
Ads are the cave art of the twentieth century.
Marshall McLuhan
Advertising is the greatest art form of the 20th century.
Marshall McLuhan
All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography.
Federico Fellini
All art is but imitation of nature.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.
Charles Horton Cooley
An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world.
George Santayana
An artist is always alone - if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.
Henry Miller
An artist is never ahead of his time but most people are far behind theirs.
Edgard Varese
An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision.
James Whistler
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Drugs In Cartoons
Drugs In Cartoons
10. Gargamel, most likely on LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyl, probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny? She might even be anorexic. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.
8. Snagglepuss (Is this even spelled right?), can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
7. HeMan, this is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. 'BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!' Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the stuff in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse.
6 and 5. Yogi and Boo Boo, we all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip.
4. Droopy, the number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two? The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.
3. Dopey Dwarf, he openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck, if he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from 'daffiness' but Haladol wouldn't work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes, Porky though.
1. Shaggy, by far the number one suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot. Scooby is guilty by association. And look at the way he and his friends painted that van!
10. Gargamel, most likely on LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyl, probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny? She might even be anorexic. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.
8. Snagglepuss (Is this even spelled right?), can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
7. HeMan, this is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. 'BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!' Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the stuff in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse.
6 and 5. Yogi and Boo Boo, we all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip.
4. Droopy, the number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two? The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.
3. Dopey Dwarf, he openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck, if he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from 'daffiness' but Haladol wouldn't work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes, Porky though.
1. Shaggy, by far the number one suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot. Scooby is guilty by association. And look at the way he and his friends painted that van!
Dictionary Of Dating
Dictionary Of Dating
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
Drug Warning
The following is an important announcement...
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Don't Say To A Cop
Don't Say To A Cop
Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...
I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago...
Aren't you one of the Village People?
Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!
Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...
I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago...
Aren't you one of the Village People?
Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!
Drunken Language
Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
Expanded Vocabulary
To increase your vocabulary with phrases you've heard but aren't quite sure how to use, read on...
"Cold turkey"
Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug
addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving
their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven.
Mmmmm, junkie turkey.
Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as
there are things to be addicted to.
Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his
eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or
any other animals.
"Going Dutch"
Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.
Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the
17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a
verbal target for them since. Anyone who "went Dutch" may have been considered a
tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don't seem to love this phrase.
Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal
misogynist who didn't respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the
tab. So last night I decided I'd play it safe and suggested to my date that we go
Dutch. She called me a cheap bastard!
"Shit hits the fan"
Definition: Refers to the commotion that can occur when a situation that was
previously secret is publicly revealed. Graphically illustrates the distinction
between fecal matter, which is not in itself such a problem, and fecal matter piling
up to the ceiling fan and then being sprayed everywhere, which pretty much sucks.
Origin: Depression-era America, when apparently excrement abounded.
Use it in a sentence: "I'm telling you, Bob, if we don't figure out how to get your
dad's pogo stick out of this tree, the shit's really gonna hit the fan. I mean, how's
he supposed to get to work?"
"Put a sock in it"
Definition: A terse request to be quiet.
Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything
less than 11 ("my amp goes up to 11") required putting a sock in the amplification
trumpet.
Use it in a sentence:
Girl: "Why are you hesitating? You don't like it, do you? You think it makes me look
fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange
leather..."
Guy: "Ah, put a sock in it."
"Son of a gun"
Definition:
a) As an interjection, it means "gee whiz" or "well I'll be damned."
b) As a name to call someone, it's a euphemism for a phrase that's already pretty
tame: son of a bitch.
Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression
originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the
cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a
gun. Nice pedigree.
Use it in a sentence:
a) "Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?"
b) "Bob, you old son of a gun. How's the prostate?"
"For all intents and purposes"
Definition: First of all, it ain't "for all intensive purposes." Think about it for a
minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but
really demanding? Like, oh, I don't know, midget arm-wrestling? No, "for all intents
and purposes" means "realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way."
Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be "to all intents and
purposes," which is still sometimes heard.
Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed
the "whipped" phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.
"Big cheese"
Definition: The most important person; the boss.
Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word
"cheese" and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was
actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they
modified its meaning to "the main/best thing." The phrase crossed the Atlantic as
"the big cheese" in about 1890.
Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big
cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and
shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.
"Peeping Tom"
Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.
Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor
unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As
a result, he was struck blind. Doh!
Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high
rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the
lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.
"Beat around the bush"
Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff,
or lie even, instead of, um -- hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means
not to get to the point or the truth.
Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes
hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.
Use it in a sentence:
Man #1: "Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!"
Man #2: "Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?"
"Cold turkey"
Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug
addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving
their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven.
Mmmmm, junkie turkey.
Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as
there are things to be addicted to.
Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his
eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or
any other animals.
"Going Dutch"
Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.
Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the
17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a
verbal target for them since. Anyone who "went Dutch" may have been considered a
tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don't seem to love this phrase.
Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal
misogynist who didn't respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the
tab. So last night I decided I'd play it safe and suggested to my date that we go
Dutch. She called me a cheap bastard!
"Shit hits the fan"
Definition: Refers to the commotion that can occur when a situation that was
previously secret is publicly revealed. Graphically illustrates the distinction
between fecal matter, which is not in itself such a problem, and fecal matter piling
up to the ceiling fan and then being sprayed everywhere, which pretty much sucks.
Origin: Depression-era America, when apparently excrement abounded.
Use it in a sentence: "I'm telling you, Bob, if we don't figure out how to get your
dad's pogo stick out of this tree, the shit's really gonna hit the fan. I mean, how's
he supposed to get to work?"
"Put a sock in it"
Definition: A terse request to be quiet.
Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything
less than 11 ("my amp goes up to 11") required putting a sock in the amplification
trumpet.
Use it in a sentence:
Girl: "Why are you hesitating? You don't like it, do you? You think it makes me look
fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange
leather..."
Guy: "Ah, put a sock in it."
"Son of a gun"
Definition:
a) As an interjection, it means "gee whiz" or "well I'll be damned."
b) As a name to call someone, it's a euphemism for a phrase that's already pretty
tame: son of a bitch.
Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression
originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the
cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a
gun. Nice pedigree.
Use it in a sentence:
a) "Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?"
b) "Bob, you old son of a gun. How's the prostate?"
"For all intents and purposes"
Definition: First of all, it ain't "for all intensive purposes." Think about it for a
minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but
really demanding? Like, oh, I don't know, midget arm-wrestling? No, "for all intents
and purposes" means "realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way."
Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be "to all intents and
purposes," which is still sometimes heard.
Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed
the "whipped" phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.
"Big cheese"
Definition: The most important person; the boss.
Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word
"cheese" and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was
actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they
modified its meaning to "the main/best thing." The phrase crossed the Atlantic as
"the big cheese" in about 1890.
Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big
cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and
shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.
"Peeping Tom"
Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.
Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor
unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As
a result, he was struck blind. Doh!
Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high
rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the
lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.
"Beat around the bush"
Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff,
or lie even, instead of, um -- hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means
not to get to the point or the truth.
Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes
hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.
Use it in a sentence:
Man #1: "Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!"
Man #2: "Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?"
Farting People
The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.
The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.
The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.
The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.
The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.
The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.
The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.
The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.
The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.
The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.
The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.
One who loves the smell of his own farts.
The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people's farts.
The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.
The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.
The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.
The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.
The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.
The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.
The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.
The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.
The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.
The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.
The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.
The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.
Funny Names K-Z
There is nothing better at 5pm on a Friday afternoon, than to call up the airport and have one of these names paged...
Kareem O'Weet (Cream of Wheat)
Kaye Ken Cofe (Cake and Coffee)
Kay Neine (Canine)
Kay O'Pectate (Kaopectate)
Ken Oppenner (Can Opener)
Kenitra Bush (Can I Eat Your Bush)
Kenny Dewitt (Can He Do It?)
Kenny Fakur (Can he Fuck her)
Kent Cook (Can't Cook)
Kim Payne Slogan (Campaign Slogan)
Kimmy Head (Give Me Head)
Lance Lyde (Landslide)
Laura Lynn Hardy (Laurel and Hardy)
Lee Keyrear (Leaky Rear)
Lee Nover (Lean Over)
Len DeHande (Lend a Hand)
Leo Tarred (Leotard)
Lily Livard (Lily Livered)
Lisa Neucar (Lease a New Car)
Liz Onnia (Lasagna)
Lou Briccant (Lubricant)
Lon Moore (Lawn Mower)
Luke Adam Go (Look at Him Go)
Lou Sirr (Loser)
Lou Stooth (Loose Tooth)
Louise E. Anna (Louisiana)
Lowden Clear (Loud and Clear)
Luke Atmyass (Look At My Ass)
Luna Tick (Lunatic)
Lyle Ike Adogg (Lie Like a Dog)
Lynn Guini (Linguini)
Lynn Meabuck (Lend Me a Buck)
Mabel Syrup (Maple Syrup)
Madame Crotch (My Damn Crotch)
Madka Owdiseez (Mad Cow Disease)
Manuel Labor (Manual labor)
Marcus Absent (Mark Us Absent)
Marge Innastraightline (March in a Straight Line)
Marion Money (Marrying Money)
Mark Mywords (Mark My Words)
Mark Z. Spot (Mark The Spot)
Marsha Dimes (March of Dimes)
Martha Fokker (Motherfucker)
Mary Christmas (Merry Christmas)
Mary Gold (Marigold)
Mary Juana (Marijuana)
Mary Ott (Marriot)
Mary Thonn (Marathon)
Master Bates (Masturbates)
May I. Tutchem (May I Touch Them?)
May O'Nays (Mayonaise)
Max E. Mumm (Maximum)
Max E. Pad (Maxi Pad)
Megan Bacon (Makin' Bacon)
Mel Keetehts (Milky Tits)
Melissa Tothis (Ma, Listen to This)
Mel Practiss (Malpractice)
Michael Toris (My Clitoris)
Michelle Lynn (Michelin)
Midas Well (Might As Well...)
Mike Hunt (My Cunt)
Mike Ockhurts (My Cock Hurts)
Mike Ocksmall (My Cock's Small)
Mike Rohsopht (Microsoft)
Mike Rotchburns (My Crotch Burns)
Milly Meter (Millimeter)
Minnie Skurt (Miniskirt)
Miss Alanius (Miscellaneous)
Misty Meanor (Misdemeanor)
Mitch Again (Michigan)
Miya Buttreaks (My Butt Reaks)
Moe DeLawn (Moe the Lawn)
Moe Lester (Molester)
Moe Skeeto (Mosquito)
Moe Telsiks (Motel Six)
Mary Ott (Marriot)
Mort Tallity (Mortality)
Myra Maines (My Remains)
Mysha Long (My Shlong)
Nadia Seymour (Now do you see more?)
Nida Lyte (Need a Light)
Neil B. Formy (Kneel Before Me)
Neve Adda (Nevada)
Nick L. Andime (Nickel and Dime)
Nick O'Teen (Nicotine)
Nick Ovtime (Nick Of Time)
Oliver Closeoff (All of her Clothes Off)
Ophelia Titzoff (I'll Feel Your Tits Off)
Opie Umsgood (Opium's Good)
Otto B. Kilt (Ought to be Killed)
Otto Whackew (Ought to Whack You)
Paige Turner (Page Turner)
Papa Boner (Pop a Boner)
Pat Myckok (Pat My Cock)
Patty Meltt (Umm....Patty Melt)
Patty O'Furniture (Patio Furniture)
Pearl E. Gates(Pearly Gates)
Pearl E White (Pearly White)
Peppy Roni (Pepperoni)
Pete Zaria (Pizzeria)
Peter Pantz (Peed her pants)
Phil A. Delphia (Philadelphia)
Phil Atio (Fellatio)
Phil DeGrave (Fill the grave)
Phil Down (Feel Down)
Phil McCracken (Fill My Crack In)
Phil Myez (Feel My Ass)
Phil Mypockets (Fill my pockets)
Phillip McCrevice (Fill up my Crevice)
Phyllis Schlong (Feel his Shlong)
Polly Esther Pantts (Polyester Slacks)
Poppa Woody (Pop A Woody)
Pussy Galore (Well...What the hell do you think it means?!)
Quimby Ingmeen (Quit Being Mean)
Quint S. Henschel (Quintessential)
Quinton Chingme (Quit Touching Me)
Quinton Plates (Contemplates)
Rachel DeScrimination (Racial Descrimination)
Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
Ray Pugh (Rape You)
Renee Sance (Renaisance)
Rick Kleiner (Recliner)
Rick O'Shea (Ricochet)
Rip Tile (Reptile)
Rita Book (Read a Book)
Robin D.Craydle (Robbing the Cradle)
Robin Banks (Robbing Banks)
Robin Meeblind (Robbing Me Blind)
Ron A. Muck (Run Amuck)
Ruben Mycock (Rubbing My Cock)
Russell Ingleaves (Rustling Leaves)
Sadie Word (Say the Word)
Sal Ami (Salami)
Sal Sage (Sausage)
Sal T. Penuz (Salty Penis or Peanuts)
Sam Manilla (Salmonella)
Sam Pull (Sample)
Sam Dayoulpay (Some day you'll pay)
Sam Urai (Samurai)
Samson Night (Samsonite)
Sarah Doctorinthehouse (Is There a Doctor in the House)
Scott Shawn DeRocks (Scotch on the Rocks)
Seaman Sample (Semen Sample)
Seymour Butts (See more butts)
Sheeza Freak (She's a Freak)
Sheri Cola (Cherry Cola)
Sherman Wadd Evver (Sure Man, Whatever)
Shirley Knot (Surely not?)
Shirley U. Jest (Surely You Jest)
Sid Down (Sit Down)
Sir Fin Waves (Surfin' Waves)
Stacey Rhect (Stays Erect)
Stan Dup (Stand up)
Stu Padasso (Stupid Asshole)
Stu Pitt (Stupid)
Sue Case (Suitcase)
Sue E. Side (Suicide)
Sue Permann (Superman)
Sue Shi (Sushi)
Sue Ridge (Sewage)
Sue Yourazzof (Sue Your Ass Off)
Tanya Hyde (Tan Your Hide)
Tara Newhall (Tear a New Hole)
Tate Urchips (Tater Chips)
Ted E. Baer (Teddy Bear)
Telly Vision (Television)
Teresa Green (Trees are Green)
Tess Tickle (Testicle)
Tim Burr (Timber)
Tina See (Tennessee)
Titus Balsac (Tightest Ball Sack)
Torah Hyman (Tore a Hymen)
Ty Tannick (Titanic)
Ty Tass (Tight Ass)
Tyrone Shoes (Tie Your Own Shoes)
Ulee Daway (You Lead the Way)
U.P. Freehly (You Pee Freely)
Val Crow (Velcro)
Val Lay (Valet)
Val Veeta (Velveeta)
Vlad Tire (Flat Tire)
Walter Melon (Watermelon)
Warren Piece (War and Peace)
Wayne Deer (Reindeer)
Wayne Kerr (Wanker)
Willie Maykit (Will He Make It?)
Wilma Leggrowbach (Will My Leg Grow Back?)
Winnie Bago (Winnebago)
Winnie Dipoo (Winnie the Pooh)
Woody U. No (What Do You Know?)
Xavier Breath (Save Your Breath)
Xavier Money (Save Your Money)
Yerma Wildo (Your Mom Will Do)
Yousuckmynuts N. Scratchm (You Suck My Nuts and Scratch Them)
Yule B. Sari (You'll Be Sorry)
Zeke N. Yeshallfind (Seek and You Shall Find)
Zelda Kowz (Sell the Cows)
Zoltan Pepper (Salt and Pepper)
Kareem O'Weet (Cream of Wheat)
Kaye Ken Cofe (Cake and Coffee)
Kay Neine (Canine)
Kay O'Pectate (Kaopectate)
Ken Oppenner (Can Opener)
Kenitra Bush (Can I Eat Your Bush)
Kenny Dewitt (Can He Do It?)
Kenny Fakur (Can he Fuck her)
Kent Cook (Can't Cook)
Kim Payne Slogan (Campaign Slogan)
Kimmy Head (Give Me Head)
Lance Lyde (Landslide)
Laura Lynn Hardy (Laurel and Hardy)
Lee Keyrear (Leaky Rear)
Lee Nover (Lean Over)
Len DeHande (Lend a Hand)
Leo Tarred (Leotard)
Lily Livard (Lily Livered)
Lisa Neucar (Lease a New Car)
Liz Onnia (Lasagna)
Lou Briccant (Lubricant)
Lon Moore (Lawn Mower)
Luke Adam Go (Look at Him Go)
Lou Sirr (Loser)
Lou Stooth (Loose Tooth)
Louise E. Anna (Louisiana)
Lowden Clear (Loud and Clear)
Luke Atmyass (Look At My Ass)
Luna Tick (Lunatic)
Lyle Ike Adogg (Lie Like a Dog)
Lynn Guini (Linguini)
Lynn Meabuck (Lend Me a Buck)
Mabel Syrup (Maple Syrup)
Madame Crotch (My Damn Crotch)
Madka Owdiseez (Mad Cow Disease)
Manuel Labor (Manual labor)
Marcus Absent (Mark Us Absent)
Marge Innastraightline (March in a Straight Line)
Marion Money (Marrying Money)
Mark Mywords (Mark My Words)
Mark Z. Spot (Mark The Spot)
Marsha Dimes (March of Dimes)
Martha Fokker (Motherfucker)
Mary Christmas (Merry Christmas)
Mary Gold (Marigold)
Mary Juana (Marijuana)
Mary Ott (Marriot)
Mary Thonn (Marathon)
Master Bates (Masturbates)
May I. Tutchem (May I Touch Them?)
May O'Nays (Mayonaise)
Max E. Mumm (Maximum)
Max E. Pad (Maxi Pad)
Megan Bacon (Makin' Bacon)
Mel Keetehts (Milky Tits)
Melissa Tothis (Ma, Listen to This)
Mel Practiss (Malpractice)
Michael Toris (My Clitoris)
Michelle Lynn (Michelin)
Midas Well (Might As Well...)
Mike Hunt (My Cunt)
Mike Ockhurts (My Cock Hurts)
Mike Ocksmall (My Cock's Small)
Mike Rohsopht (Microsoft)
Mike Rotchburns (My Crotch Burns)
Milly Meter (Millimeter)
Minnie Skurt (Miniskirt)
Miss Alanius (Miscellaneous)
Misty Meanor (Misdemeanor)
Mitch Again (Michigan)
Miya Buttreaks (My Butt Reaks)
Moe DeLawn (Moe the Lawn)
Moe Lester (Molester)
Moe Skeeto (Mosquito)
Moe Telsiks (Motel Six)
Mary Ott (Marriot)
Mort Tallity (Mortality)
Myra Maines (My Remains)
Mysha Long (My Shlong)
Nadia Seymour (Now do you see more?)
Nida Lyte (Need a Light)
Neil B. Formy (Kneel Before Me)
Neve Adda (Nevada)
Nick L. Andime (Nickel and Dime)
Nick O'Teen (Nicotine)
Nick Ovtime (Nick Of Time)
Oliver Closeoff (All of her Clothes Off)
Ophelia Titzoff (I'll Feel Your Tits Off)
Opie Umsgood (Opium's Good)
Otto B. Kilt (Ought to be Killed)
Otto Whackew (Ought to Whack You)
Paige Turner (Page Turner)
Papa Boner (Pop a Boner)
Pat Myckok (Pat My Cock)
Patty Meltt (Umm....Patty Melt)
Patty O'Furniture (Patio Furniture)
Pearl E. Gates(Pearly Gates)
Pearl E White (Pearly White)
Peppy Roni (Pepperoni)
Pete Zaria (Pizzeria)
Peter Pantz (Peed her pants)
Phil A. Delphia (Philadelphia)
Phil Atio (Fellatio)
Phil DeGrave (Fill the grave)
Phil Down (Feel Down)
Phil McCracken (Fill My Crack In)
Phil Myez (Feel My Ass)
Phil Mypockets (Fill my pockets)
Phillip McCrevice (Fill up my Crevice)
Phyllis Schlong (Feel his Shlong)
Polly Esther Pantts (Polyester Slacks)
Poppa Woody (Pop A Woody)
Pussy Galore (Well...What the hell do you think it means?!)
Quimby Ingmeen (Quit Being Mean)
Quint S. Henschel (Quintessential)
Quinton Chingme (Quit Touching Me)
Quinton Plates (Contemplates)
Rachel DeScrimination (Racial Descrimination)
Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
Ray Pugh (Rape You)
Renee Sance (Renaisance)
Rick Kleiner (Recliner)
Rick O'Shea (Ricochet)
Rip Tile (Reptile)
Rita Book (Read a Book)
Robin D.Craydle (Robbing the Cradle)
Robin Banks (Robbing Banks)
Robin Meeblind (Robbing Me Blind)
Ron A. Muck (Run Amuck)
Ruben Mycock (Rubbing My Cock)
Russell Ingleaves (Rustling Leaves)
Sadie Word (Say the Word)
Sal Ami (Salami)
Sal Sage (Sausage)
Sal T. Penuz (Salty Penis or Peanuts)
Sam Manilla (Salmonella)
Sam Pull (Sample)
Sam Dayoulpay (Some day you'll pay)
Sam Urai (Samurai)
Samson Night (Samsonite)
Sarah Doctorinthehouse (Is There a Doctor in the House)
Scott Shawn DeRocks (Scotch on the Rocks)
Seaman Sample (Semen Sample)
Seymour Butts (See more butts)
Sheeza Freak (She's a Freak)
Sheri Cola (Cherry Cola)
Sherman Wadd Evver (Sure Man, Whatever)
Shirley Knot (Surely not?)
Shirley U. Jest (Surely You Jest)
Sid Down (Sit Down)
Sir Fin Waves (Surfin' Waves)
Stacey Rhect (Stays Erect)
Stan Dup (Stand up)
Stu Padasso (Stupid Asshole)
Stu Pitt (Stupid)
Sue Case (Suitcase)
Sue E. Side (Suicide)
Sue Permann (Superman)
Sue Shi (Sushi)
Sue Ridge (Sewage)
Sue Yourazzof (Sue Your Ass Off)
Tanya Hyde (Tan Your Hide)
Tara Newhall (Tear a New Hole)
Tate Urchips (Tater Chips)
Ted E. Baer (Teddy Bear)
Telly Vision (Television)
Teresa Green (Trees are Green)
Tess Tickle (Testicle)
Tim Burr (Timber)
Tina See (Tennessee)
Titus Balsac (Tightest Ball Sack)
Torah Hyman (Tore a Hymen)
Ty Tannick (Titanic)
Ty Tass (Tight Ass)
Tyrone Shoes (Tie Your Own Shoes)
Ulee Daway (You Lead the Way)
U.P. Freehly (You Pee Freely)
Val Crow (Velcro)
Val Lay (Valet)
Val Veeta (Velveeta)
Vlad Tire (Flat Tire)
Walter Melon (Watermelon)
Warren Piece (War and Peace)
Wayne Deer (Reindeer)
Wayne Kerr (Wanker)
Willie Maykit (Will He Make It?)
Wilma Leggrowbach (Will My Leg Grow Back?)
Winnie Bago (Winnebago)
Winnie Dipoo (Winnie the Pooh)
Woody U. No (What Do You Know?)
Xavier Breath (Save Your Breath)
Xavier Money (Save Your Money)
Yerma Wildo (Your Mom Will Do)
Yousuckmynuts N. Scratchm (You Suck My Nuts and Scratch Them)
Yule B. Sari (You'll Be Sorry)
Zeke N. Yeshallfind (Seek and You Shall Find)
Zelda Kowz (Sell the Cows)
Zoltan Pepper (Salt and Pepper)
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